Figuring It Out For Myself
I had a uterine biopsy today. Something had shown up on my PET/CT scan, and I’ve been having some symptoms. I have a new gynecologist, and she was great. She erred on the side of caution and ordered some bloodwork and took a biopsy. She’ll call me once all the results are back. My symptoms could be from the uterine condition I was diagnosed with from the imaging, or it could be cancer. It could be nothing, and we’ll just have to continue to monitor things, or I might be referred to a gynecological oncologist if it is something. I am just trying to not think about the results for the next week, but when there’s even a possibility it might be cancer, it’s really hard to do. I need to distract myself this weekend. I am thinking about what if it is cancer again? I don’t like to think of that possibility, but I also like to be prepared for what if it is cancer again? I won’t worry till I have to, but there are already questions forming in my head like: Would it be triple negative cancer that has metastasized to the uterus, or would it be a new cancer diagnosis? Would they want to treat it aggressively if it is metastasized cancer, or would they want to treat it more palliatively? I would just want everything gone and removed because all it has done is cause me physical and emotional pain in my life, but maybe they would want to treat it more palliatively because it would be Stage 4, metastatic. I am not ready to die now that I am more back to “normal” than I’ve been in a decade, and I do not want to go back on treatment. I hate that I am thinking about all this right now, before I even get results, but these thoughts keep popping up. As I’ve always said, the waiting is the WORST. I just want immediate information to be able to start doing something with, to start processing, like I’m trying to do now. So, I’d really appreciate prayers and positive vibes this week. I’ll let you know when I know something. And thanks for listening to me as I sort out the latest. I will try to trust and not worry in the meantime. In other related news, I had a port flush earlier this week. The nurse missed my port. It’s wobbly, I guess. My leg shot straight out, and I can’t believe I didn’t kick the nurse! I thought right then and there that I no longer want this port in, but then when it was in, it worked beautifully again, and I thought this port is a keeper. Hopefully, I won’t need it again soon, and I’ll just be grateful for the slight inconvenience that port flushes have become. I’ll write again soon, thanks for your prayers and support, and stay safe and healthy, everyone!