The Peace and Joy of the Season

I bought this print, the Be At Peace Print, sold by House of Joppa (www.houseofjoppa.com) and am waiting for it to arrive. I just happen to have a spare metallic orange 8 x 10 frame I’ve been wondering what I am going to do with, and I just happen to love this saying by St. Francis de Sales. I bought it mostly because I’m going to place it by my bedside to remind me every day not to fear death when I feel keenly aware of it every day. I have felt like Jacob Marley for 10 years now, dragging my chains behind me, reminding me that death is there, creeping from behind a corner, always present, and always in the realm of the future. With cancer, you’re just more aware of the possibility and have to face it. I have lived in the past, I have lived in the future, and now – since cancer – I can live in present, but death is always lurking there, taunting me, no matter how much I try to ignore it.

I can honestly say that finding God’s peace, which I have found along my cancer journey with God, is what has gotten me through cancer, through a metastatic diagnosis, and it’s what is getting me through the reminder of my dad’s death, the first “anniversary” of his death coming up on the new year. I am at peace this Christmas and at this point of my cancer journey. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I decided that no matter what was going to happen – whether I was going to live or die, sooner or later, I couldn’t lose. If I were to live, I’d win, and if I died, I’d be with Jesus. A win-win. I found peace with death, and I found peace with my journey, although I’m not really sure which came first. This saying by Francis de Sales struck a chord with me because it’s exactly how I have viewed my cancer journey, and it’s what keeps me going.

Another thing that is keeping me going now is that the first trial phase of the triple negative breast cancer vaccine has shown promise! It is moving into the second phase of trials. It’s been all over the news this past week, and it brings me such peace, such joy, and such hope this Christmas and at the start of another year. My oncologist said she thinks I would be a good candidate for it if and when it becomes available. I’m really not sure if it would help patients with metastatic triple negative breast cancer, but I feel like it might help me if I can stay in remission until it’s here. And who is to say my cancer won’t be smart and morph into another type of breast cancer, but it has presented twice as triple negative so far, so I’d love to be protected against it. What I wouldn’t give for even a small chance that it might protect me against triple negative breast cancer again! And while it would really stink to die from triple negative breast cancer just before this vaccine becomes available, it gives me something to hope for and live for. And, as I’ve said before, hope is really all we have. I believe that hope, like love or like positivity, can really make a difference in our bodies, in our healing and in our living. This Christmas, while grieving, I have peace and hope, even joy – the peace and joy like only God can give.

Wishing you and yours peace and joy, love and hope this holiday season!