Long Time No Write
It has been a while since I’ve written, which has been a good thing for me. I am just living and enjoying life. I’d like to say that I haven’t been thinking about cancer, but I have – only because my next scan is coming up in December, and I’m already anxious about it since it has been so long since my last scan. I’ve had a lot of stress since the beginning of the year (Is it 2026 yet?! – soon enough!), so I’m a little worried about my scan since I know that stress causes cancer. I don’t think that’s a fact? Maybe. Just something I know and feel strongly about. But I’m trying to stay peaceful inside no matter what happens, and I’m trusting God that I’ve been healed.
I had a port flush the other day, and it went well. Blood return was excellent – almost a waste of a good blood return to just get a port flush and not chemotherapy/immunotherapy, but I won’t complain! And I had an appointment regarding this large hiatal hernia that keeps growing with each scan I have had since being diagnosed with cancer, so I’ve been thinking about cancer a bit again. I want this hiatal hernia fixed because I have pretty much constant acid reflux, but I’m a little worried that surgery will cause my cancer to come back. I don’t know why – it just always seems like when someone has surgery, his or her cancer spreads. I am having a test done, and I am having a routine endoscopy to check on my celiac, and that will give my doctor some more information about my hiatal hernia, so we’ll decide about surgically fixing it after that. Right now, I’m thinking – just fix it!
I am feeling good, really good, actually. I have lost 10 pounds this month pretty quickly without doing anything differently, so I’m hoping it’s my body finally getting back to health after four years of chemo. I’m also hoping nothing is wrong or the cancer is not back with the rapid weight loss with no explanation. But I’m going to go with the idea that I’m just getting back to good health! I feel better and better all the time. I can now run up and down my stairs, which is huge for me since stairs just always killed me on chemotherapy. I went to play pickle ball for the first time, and I realized just how much muscle mass I’ve lost from the fatigue and resting so much over the past several years. I’m going to need to start lifting some weights again.
I am deciding that I do NOT want to go on any type of preventative chemo to keep the cancer from recurring. The treatment has been so damaging that I will just deal with the cancer when it comes back. I do not want to die from treatment or any complications from it. I’d rather die from the cancer. So, those are my thoughts while I’m still in remission. Going to enjoy the Fall and the next few months until my next scan since I am still in remission.
I have an appointment with my oncologist the second week of December, and I’m going to schedule my scan just prior to that. I hate scans around the holidays. And this time, I am going on a little trip I am sooooooo excited for, and I am going to schedule my scan after that trip because I don’t want to be worried about the results during my trip. Which reminds me, you know how I like to pick certain points/events in the future to aim for? Going to Italy was the one thing I really wanted to do before I die, and now it’s over. But, after hearing from and getting to know one of my great, great grandma’s brother’s descendants, who reached out to me and discovered me through Ancestry.com, I have a new goal to return to Italy and meet her and her/our family. My great, great grandmother immigrated to the United States in the early 1900s, leaving some of her family behind. Now, after meeting my new “cousin” online, it’s like our family has been reunited again after all these years. After returning from our trip to Florence, Rome and the Amalfi Coast, I made it a new goal to visit Venice before I die. And now, I’d love to make it to Venice with a side trip to meet my newfound cousin and her family. Despite lots of stress since the beginning of the year, lots of good things have been happening, too, and that’s life, right? And that’s cancer, too – lots of ups and downs, but I always try to focus on the ups. So much to be thankful and grateful for. Stay safe and healthy everyone, and I’ll try to update after my next port flush.